Things I have learnt from the leg - no one really understands what it's like.  You get 90% of people who have not had a sport related injury but are still considerate and empathetic people who are genuinely interested in being a supporting person (I like them, they're good) and then you get 10% who have never experienced an injury and know nothing about me, but still feel they are the most informed person in the world whose opinions should be followed.  Well, no.

Unless this has happened to you you pretty much have no idea what we go through.  Yes, the injury heals but the brain does not heal at the same rate.  My brain recovery is getting there, but it's definitely not recovered.  I got hurt doing something I love, something that made me happy, and now I'm scared of that thing.  How the hell do you get over that?  I like roller derby still and I support my league, but I don't love it any more.  Only recently, after 4 months, have I reached the point where I want to put skates on again.  I'm now happy and excited to skate, but playing roller derby can basically get to fuck.  For now.

I try to get to the practice venue where the break happened at least once a week for mental healing time, but it's difficult.  I can now get to about an hour and 45 minutes in before I start crying, which is an improvement.  But I'm still petrified to see someone fall.  Everyone falls in roller derby, it just happens and it's OK.  I know this and I know people fall hundreds of times and are OK, but the reality is I fell once and it wasn't OK.

Even though I put on a brave face the truth is I am a different person and skater now.  Although we all recognise that roller derby can be dangerous and you CAN GET HURT we still don't *really*.  I'm different now, I see all the falls that could have been bad and it will probably hold me back for a bit.  Before I said "yeah we can get hurt" but it didn't feel like a reality, no one expects it to happen to them.  I was never a risk taker in derby but I guess this shaped how I played.  I sometimes envy the skaters that don't know what this feels like, but I don't think I would want to go back to my cosy bed of injury naivety.

There has been some occasions where other "safe" activities have become scary in my head because of the injury.  Like I was on a cross trainer and thought "if my foot slips and I fall weird I could break my leg".  This is a totally ridiculous idea!  But this is my brain now.

I can't describe every way I feel now because of leggy but what I'm trying to say is, if you don't have a personal experience of a sports related injury, are unsupportive, don't recognise that every injury is complicated and different you should probably sit down and shut up.